TRAN-SIBERIAN RAILWAY — Wake at 9 a.m. to fog and birch trees. Notice the digital clock says 4 a.m., because that's what time it is in Moscow. Remember you were warned about this. Remember you don't remember what exactly this means for your day.
Roll up your bed mat so your Russian cabin mates have a place to sit. Decide to go to the dining car for breakfast, because it opens at 9 a.m., and you've only paid ahead for dinners. Discover dining car not yet open, because it is not yet 9 a.m. in Moscow, which is several thousand miles to the west.
Give up on breakfast.
Pull out tiny plastic cup that came with last night's 9 p.m. dinner, along with tiny packet of instant coffee powder, and absolutely massive packet of sugar.
Fill tiny plastic cup with piping hot water from the vat located at the end of each car. Watch carefully for evidence of melting plastic and imminent scalding. Watch Kristina emerge from a compartment with real cups full of steaming hot water. Transfer coffee, sugar and creamer to real cup, which is now too full, and probably includes some plastic. Eat some dried fruit and remainder of chocolate covered cookies, which have melted together, and require prying.
As sustenance from cookies quickly wears away, decide to go to dining car to check for breakfast again, thinking surely it will have opened now. On the way to the dining car, get intercepted by an attendant with a pad and pen, who asks you what you would like for breakfast: Chicken or macaroni. Pick chicken. It is now around 10 a.m. in whatever time zone you were last physically attached to.
Give up on original idea of breakfast. Attach to new idea of breakfast.
As an afterthought, ask Russian cabin mate Elena, in halting Russian, was that man asking about breakfast? Yes, she'll say. Remain hopeful. Open your book, wait for chicken, watch bright villages and long forests roll by for several hours.
GIVE UP ON BREAKFAST.
Stop in Krasnoyarct for thirty minutes. Purchase a packet of pumpkin seeds, some crackers and two cokes from snack stand on the platform. Note that it is 7:45 a.m. in Moscow according to the platform clock. Suddenly produce a faint hope that breakfast may still happen, assuming that not only are the clocks on Moscow time, but so are the meals. This will seem insane, but also kind of wonderful, when you realize this means your chicken breakfast may still happen.
At 2:30 Irkutsk time, breakfast will arrive in a paper bag.
Because it is 9:30 in Moscow, this will be right on time. Feel very excited and satisfied by breakfast's arrival. You have finally solved the riddle of meals aboard the Tran-Siberian. Open breakfast bag. Discover it is a bottle of water, a new tiny plastic cup, a new packet of coffee powder, some plastic silverware, a bar of chocolate and two small strips of bread.
Give up on breakfast truly and finally. Put head in paper bag.
Fifteen minutes later, a bowl of steaming, delicious soup will arrive. Discover you do like pickles in soup. Fifteen minutes later, after you have nearly finished your bowl of soup using the coffee spoon, which is the size of approximately one and one half skittles, a man will arrive with soup spoons. Though this does not resemble breakfast or chicken, it will be delicious.
Happily, give up on chicken breakfast. Move on to new world of soup brunch.
A bit later, a woman will arrive carrying styrofoam containers steaming with chicken, rice and vegetables. By now it will be sometime around 3 in the afternoon, 10 a.m. in Moscow, and chicken breakfast has officially been served. Relax, and enjoy your ride, knowing that dinner is taken care of. Since you were fed around 9 p.m. Irkutsk time the night before, you assume this mysterious breakfast is just included, beyond the dinner you requested ahead of time.
LATER THAT EVENING
Sometime around 10 p.m. Moscow time, which is 3 a.m. Irkutsk time, and probably around 1:30 a.m. wherever you are now, accept in a sleep haze that dinner is not coming. Try to convince your stomach that the meal called breakfast, which you ate at lunch time, was the dinner you ordered through the travel agent.
Eat the chocolate that came in paper bag. Go to sleep.
***NOTE***
At no time were we dissatisfied with the service aboard the Trans-Siberian, only deeply and hilariously confused. And none of this would have been so confusing, if not for the clear and regular use of the word "zavtrak," which means breakfast. I know, I checked. It also would not have been so confusing if I was remotely competent in Russian. But since I am just now starting to brush off my language skills, and because the people of this train are positively devoted to the deity that is Moscow time, it took me an entire day to figure it out. No matter. We're comfortable, and happy, and, eventually, fed.
*****ADDENDUM TO PREVIOUS NOTE******
This meal occurred on each of the four days we were on the Trans-Siberian, at drastically different times each day. I have no explanation for this.
******ADDENDUM TO THE ADDENDUM*******
Kristina, despite an initial struggle, tried and liked borsch. I suggest that her friends and family continue to encourage her to try new foods. Even if she says no. She doesn't mean it. Keep trying.
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