Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Camino Portugues Day 6: Rain or Shine

Rabacal —

Distance: 11.2 miles
Time: 5 hours

This morning started with some sun, walking up again out of Ansiao through pine and eucalyptus. 
I stopped early on at a gas station cafe and had what I thought was a maple donut, but was really about a half pound of custard wrapped in the thinnest layer of dough. It was decent, but that was too much custard for any time of day, let alone in the morning. I'd love to learn how to ask, "What's in that?" But I've found it's really pretty pointless for me to memorize a question without having the vocabulary to decipher the answer. She could literally say any words, and I'd say, "Yes please thank you sorry." 

So, custard it was. I finished it while pretending to watch the news again. I don't know why I'm doing that. I don't understand any of it, and I don't know who I'm trying to impress. "Oh look she's engaged in local current events." "Yes I see that she must be a good person." What a weird coping mechanism I've developed. Not the first. Won't be the last. 

As the day went on, flooded trails slowed down my pace, and so did the constant attachment and adjustment of the poncho over my bag when the rain came. And then the pause to dry everything out when it stopped. Trying not to get sicker means staying as dry as possible, so I stopped to enjoy the sun and dry out when I could. 


I was looking over my shoulder most of the day for thunder clouds, and the dogs, which when they're off chain have a tendency to run around and behind me, anxiously herding me to Santiago. In these scenarios I walk with my walking stick swinging behind me, which keeps them from trying to bite my heels. Between the wagging stick and my poncho, now just tied to the bottom of my backpack and around my shoulders like an actual cape, I am the least cool looking traveler e'er to walk the streets of Portugal. But I'm getting more comfortable by the day, despite the rain, which at one point I hid from in the ruins of this old church, tired of the echo chamber sound of water on poncho-cape. 


I made slightly more progress today than yesterday, and finished with a little less angst. Maybe it was because I decided that yes it IS a very good idea to take the train from Coimbra to Porto and restart officially from there. Not only am I no longer worried about having enough time to finish, but I know there will be people once I hit that more common starting place. 

Still, I'm feeling conflicted about this desire to be around other travelers. On the few occasions I'm around other people right now, I'm largely striking out on any substantial communication thanks to my lack of language skills. So it's been all to easy to slide into my usual travel habit of avoiding any possibility of conversation because it's awkward. That's why I'm eating cheese and almonds in my bunk for dinner instead of going to the restaurant down the street. The mere presence of other people might nudge me out of my isolation habit, even without talking. See, I might be in my sleeping bag at 3 in the afternoon, but I could happily listen to people talk about the trail and go about their tidying up from there. And instead of eating in my bunk later in the evening, I would probably follow a few other pilgrims to the restaurant down the street, and happily eat alone while pretending to watch the news, comforted by the fact that there were other people nearby in a slightly similar situation to me. 

It seems at the end of the day, my fickle preference is that I desperately want to be around other people, but I don't actually want to talk to them. This goes for traveling, at home, or wherever. This is why I'm not a very good travel companion, whether we're going to China or the mall. I'm more of an observer, very much not wanting to interact with people or make any sudden movements. I want to exchange the absolute minimum number of words with other humans as necessary, and then sit quietly in a location I've carefully determined to be the right one. Walking trips are kind of perfect for me. I can see and hear and feel what a place is like by walking through, by quietly arriving, eating, sleeping and seeing. I don't have to over plan because I'm taking a common path, but one that still favors the self sufficient. In short, I have a purpose that justifies an introspective and practical approach to moving through the world. Oh how I wish I had that in other parts of my life. 

I think this preference for introverted-ness will surprise a few people. Not only am I highly prone to things like public speaking and musical performance, in conversation I have a tendency to talk too much, over share, and will sometimes over dominate conversations ESPECIALLY with new people. But I think back to social scenarios when I've realized I'm doing that, or been told I'm doing that, and I can tell you in any of those situations I am most likely not enjoying it, and would have much rather been at home, or facing a corner somewhere, than pretending to be an engaging person. Faced with the prospect of — here's a social situation you're now involved in like it or not — I talk. At length. Largely about myself. Could being an energetic talker and constant harbinger of too-much-information be in part my shyness defense mechanism? 

But alas, the rooms are too empty.


I did finally meet two other pilgrims late last night. They're a Belgian couple at least twice my age and I think walking twice as fast as me. I don't think I'll likely see them again. But it was nice to find out some others were out there. Turns out, I like other people more than I realized. Or need them, more like. Yes they're annoying, and I'm in constant fear of being judged poorly. But they're also a comfort, and without them I'm just annoying and judging myself. Which has always been and continues to prove useless. 

Tomorrow I will walk to the more populated city of Coimbra, a longer trek than the last few days. Here's hoping I miss the rain clouds this time, and find a few other pilgrims to occasionally follow to dinner. Maybe they'll also want to pretend to watch the news.  


2 comments:

  1. Introverts ARE engaging people, my friend. 😉 Maybe lean into the solace? (so stinking difficult, I know) Gently meet the woman we all love to spend time with. Love your posts!

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  2. I didn't know you worried about people judging you. You need to give that up, my dear, when you can. You are AWESOME in yourself!

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